I Wish I Weren’t An Old Man

funny-001 (AGC, Inc.)

Chinese proverb: Men grow old, pearls grow yellow, there is no cure for it.

Walt Whitman:

Youth, large, lusty, loving-youth full of grace, force, fascination,
Do you know that Old Age may come after you with equal grace,
force, fascination?

Day full-blown and splendid-day of the immense sun, action,
ambition, laughter,
The Night follows close with millions of suns, and sleep and
restoring darkness.

Li Po:

The living is a passing traveler;
The dead, a man come home.
One brief journey betwixt heaven and earth,
Then, alas! we are the same old dust of ten thousand ages.

The rabbit in the moon pounds the medicine in vain;
Fu-sang, the tree of immortality,
has crumbled to kindling wood.
Man dies, his white bones are dumb without a word

When the green pines feel the coming of the spring.
Looking back, I sigh;
Looking before, I sigh again.
What is there to prize in the life’s vaporous glory?


People who have learned little grow old like an ox;
their flesh grows, but their knowledge does not grow.

Clint Eastwood:

“Aging can be fun if you lay back and enjoy it.”


I’d do anything, give anything, to be young enough for Karen.



Life is what happens while you’re making other plans

July 09, 2007


Well, now I have my wish. Don’t you just hate it when you get what you wish for? I’m living alone. Got my own place, but it’s a rental. Signed a one-year lease. Don’t know what the future will bring, but at this point, I’m not planning anything. The dragon wants the keys back, but I told her I’m still paying the mortgage there so I couldn’t see why I’d want to give my keys up. I’m dangerously in the hole now; I’ve seriously overdrawn my checking account. All three things hit on the same days: deposit on rental unit, rent, and mortgage on the old house. Three weeks to go without real money. Sigh. I hate buying food on credit.

Of course, my fantasy has always been that Karen (remember her? – she was the reason for this blog) would be able to date me now. Insurmountable obstacles insurmountable.gif and boundaries. boundaries.jpg The other day Karen’s brother said he’d like to set her up with a friend who is into all the same things as she is: anime, manga, sci fi, etc. The only problem is, that he’s much older! Like ten years older! Really, really old. ha ha ha. But Karen says she prefers guys a bit older; that guys her age are too weird. Immature, I think. So, now I have the full story: when Karen told me she had dated older guys, she meant slightly older, not my age! This entire fantasy developed from that conversation (and the lunches we share). She says that she doesn’t think 10 years is TOO much older. So, finally everything is clear. It never was about my being married; it was always my freaking age. I mean, who can blame her? Our age difference is much greater than 10 years. Well, hell. 02couple.jpg

And the marriage is definitely over too: I now have proof of my suspicions all along: that the dragon only wanted the house, that she always thought of it as HER house, not ours. Hell, she even wants the keys back while I’m still paying the mortgage! No divorce yet, not even a legal separation, no agreement on the house at all, even after I paid the mortgage alone since I moved in, and she wants my keys. All those repairs to appliances, windows and doors; helping lay down new flooring, buying a new refrigerator and stove, installing a new toilet, installing crown molding, building raised garden beds, digging up and moving a railroad-tie fence, tearing off and replacing an entire roof by myself and nearly completing the addition, and it’s not even partly mine? Money down the drain. All that work for nothing. Spending, spending, spending to keep her happy, to buy expensive meals, lots of wine, and travel too. I should have known. And she thinks I’ve been holding out on her, that I have money stashed away, when the reality is that she kept me in constant debt! On top of which she was demanding we save money to travel to India while building the addition! How? She calls me a cheap bastard and a liar, but she is the self-centered, angry, selfish, heartless ass.

yellowhead.jpg Why do people stay in such relationships so long? Sigh.