Adjusting My Life, Part 2, No Women, No Cry

November 28, 2007

Odd. I’ve given up on the idea of dating right now. I feel comfortable alone. But I ran into Benay  on Thanksgiving, and she invited me to a mutual friend’s house for a turkey dinner. Benay was someone I saw and had great sex with for 5 years, in between splitting up with the first woman I’d ever lived with, and meeting my first wife. She lives in this same condo compound, and we’ve talked, but I’ve not seriously considered getting involved with her. My friend Mark says I’ll end up in bed with her again, but that’s not really what I want right now. Dinner was great. I was going to have a light meal by myself, but ended up stuffing myself with turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, corn, rice and pumpkin pie.  So much for a sensible Thanksgiving! Ah, well. The food was great and it was actually nice to be with other people. Saw her at the mailboxes the other day, and her voice was deliberately sweet when she said hello. We didn’t talk much Thanksgiving, but made tentative plans to go to a similar dinner on Christmas eve.

Finally got a call back from Beva too. She still wanted to meet, so we met for coffee one morning before work. It was a cold day, and my bike wouldn’t start, so I walked across to the coffee shop, hoping the sun would warm it up and I could start it later, but I never could get it to start. Beva was curious about how we had known each other 30 years ago, and made a point of telling me she had turned 60 recently. I think she wanted to know how old I was, but I didn’t say. She asked about what I’d been doing, trying to see where I fit in her memories or with people she knew in town. She’d only recently moved back to Albuquerque, and her husband walked out on her. She’s not sure what to do, and said she wanted to know about my situation to see if it would help her with her situation. They still have to figure out separation of property and working out the whole divorce thing. She said I should call her anytime I wanted to go dancing, or anytime really. I told her about a jazz/blues night on Dec. 7; might see her there.

Charlotte has been more friendly than ever lately too. She said the same thing, that I should call her anytime I wanted to go dancing. She says she is going to take a class soon. We’ve had lunch a few times, ostensibly to talk about union business, but she paid for me at least once. She is nice, but, like Benay, not someone I feel sexually attracted to. I need human company, I suppose, and they are great people. Still, sex is one of my favorite activities, and I’m often horny as all hell.

I should be happy to have all these choices, but I really don’t feel like going out with anyone, or getting involved with anyone new. I still feel like I’m drifting, and can’t connect to anyone.

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