Adjusting My Life, Part 1, Settling In

November 15, 2007

It certainly feels more comfortable here now. pumpkins-1a.jpg I’m making the adjustment to single life in a new place. The cats are in tonight. It’s a bit colder, or they would be out running around, and coming in, nibbling their food, getting a quick petting and then going out again, many times an evening. Often they sleep together, but tonight one is curled up on a chair in the front room where I read. The other is curled up on the bed, and he is behind me now as I type. They’re funny, because often they end up in whatever room I’m in, and when I move, they gradually move with me. It would be lonelier without them. It’s not the same as having people around, but it is comforting nevertheless. Now, whenever I move from room to room, one of them is handy. whut-ian.jpg
It was hard, at first, to get used to this. 14 years of life spent in the company of someone who is no longer around or even part of my life anymore – that took some getting used to. But I’m getting used to this place. It doesn’t feel so lonely here anymore. I felt cozy in my recliner reading a while ago, and at peace. The casita doesn’t seem so big and empty anymore; it feels more like home.
I haven’t been dating, or even trying to. I thought about it, but abandoned the idea. At times I feel reclusive, not wanting to deal with people any more, not willing to suffer dating. At first I went to movies, but lately I haven’t wanted to. I did go to the old nightclub, where my ex and I spent so many hours dancing Salsa. It was a celebration of ten years of Salsa there. The college radio station broadcast live all night, since they do a Salsa show on Friday nights anyway. It was fun to be there. I keep thinking of my ex, wondering if she would suddenly show up, or if she was listening at home as we would if we weren’t out dancing already. sf_splash.jpg
Roberta was there. I’d known her many years ago, and we liked each other, but never hooked up. She appeared to be single, and I’d seen her at the nightclub on several occasions, and at other Salsa events too. She is a great and passionate dancer. She looks good too. Great smile and a pleasant face, and her body moves sensuously. I asked her to dance, but picked the worst time, just as she was served a plate of food at the bar. She apologized, saying she was very hungry.
I saw her dance a few times later, but didn’t seek her out. I am, after all, not Mr. Suave dancer. My ex and I had worked out a way to enjoy ourselves without being very skilled at all the Salsa moves and turns. We even tried a class, and learned some moves, but even with some practice, we soon forgot everything. Seems more fun just to get out and move, and the rhythm flows from the dance floor into your legs, or something like that. salsa-dancing.gif
Met Beva there that night too. She remembered me from almost 30 years ago. I remembered her vaguely. I had gone with several people to her place one day, and she had decided to trim my hair. I had long hair until shortly before that, but had pulled it all into a ponytail and cut it off. It wasn’t all that neat, but I was OK with it. Beva had taken it on herself to fix it. That’s all I remember of her, except I knew her husband too, I can’t remember much of him either. He recently walked out on her, so she told me she was kind of freaked out. It was very sudden and she felt lost. She asked me for my ‘contact’ information, so I wrote down my email and phone number. She called me the other day, left a message on my answering machine at home. She said she’d like to talk, maybe meet for coffee. She sounded nervous, and said she is needing to talk, and knew I had just been through what she was going through. I didn’t call her back right away.
Tonight I did call, but this time she wasn’t there. I left a short message. I still don’t want to date, and I really don’t know her. I can’t remember ever being attracted to her, or really knowing her at all, and I find getting to know new people undesirable.
Ah, well. In the meantime, thanksgivingfeast.jpg my brother invited me for Thanksgiving, but it’s an awfully long drive alone. I really don’t have the money to plunk down on airfare, so I don’t think I will go. It would be nice. My new sister-in-law wrote me asking when I’d arrive, and to bring the bike! That would be a long, hard ride. Even in a car with my ex, it was tiring and we had to stop overnight. I feel comfortable enough here now that staying alone on a holiday will not bother me. In fact, I think I’d prefer it.  Day after Xmas I’ll be heading to Iowa for the Presidential primary there. partisan.gif It’s another really long trip, but I won’t have to drive, and I’ll be with other people. That will be fun.
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