December 28, 2009
My blog had abandonment issues. Ha! I have not been posting lately. I’m not sure why. No compulsion to write I suppose. Having retired means several things:
1.) I no longer see Karen, even accidentally. There is no possibility of ever seeing her accidentally or otherwise. I sent her an email before I left my job; told her it was going to be my last Friday there. She said: “Was at a potluck/staff meeting today just got back, and now have to do my document run.” Accepting that, I decided, three weeks later, to ask if she’d like to meet for lunch anyway. I figured that, since she used to come in just to have lunch with me, before she got the job she has now, then perhaps I could do the same, and go there just to have lunch with her. No response at all this time.
So, I’ve finally had to give up the fantasy for good. I don’t understand why she responded to the previous email at all, if she was going to ignore me anyway.
2.) My life is pretty boring now. I either get up early and laze around, drinking coffee and doing nothing, or I turn over and go back to sleep, getting up late, and then having coffee, making something to eat, and checking the mail. Sometimes I have to run to the store, or to the Post Office when someone buys something from my Half.com, eBay, or Amazon accounts. Most weekends, I will go hike in the mountains Saturday or Sunday. Lately I do easier hikes. Only hiked three hours yesterday, climbed up about 1650 feet; no danger, reasonable pace, no exhaustion. Donated blood today.
3.) No works means no tension, no stress. See #2 above. I eat when I want, sleep when I want. I read, watch movies, or play games on Facebook. Once in a while I still pick up the guitar. My life has little meaning without a purpose. No more union meetings. No worrying about other people’s problems, or the union, or the University job, or the University itself.
4.) I met someone new, much closer to my age. We’ve hiked together. We’ve eaten sushi together. We watched movies together. No romance. No sex. Just friends, like Karen must have always expected me to be. She invited me to her house for Thanksgiving. I met her mother. After her mother went home, we watched TV movies until late, and then I went home. We made a batch of beer together one week later. When it was time to bottle it on Dec. 20, we met at the brewery, had a great time bottling, and split up our beer. She had been planning to make some more cookies but changed her mind. I said I wanted to make chocolate chip cookies and had all the ingredients. We dropped off my share of the beer at my house and picked up everything I had for the cookies. Back at her house, we had eggnog with rum, and I made the cookies while eating some of her biscochitos. I had just received an old Hitchcock mystery, so we watched that when the cookies were done, had some more eggnog, and then watched another old movie on her cable until we were falling asleep. No indication from her that she wanted me to stay. It was really late, but she clearly expected me to go. Gave me some biscochitos to go, and a present! She had a present for me. She said to put it under my tree. Unknown to her, I had bought her a present. It was/is under my tree. She asked me if I wanted to go to her friend Kathy’s house on Christmas Eve. So, I planned to open my present then, and give her the one I’d ordered and wrapped and put under my tree. I was beginning to have some nice fantasies about her. Wondered if we could go to my house after we left Kathy’s, since it is only blocks from my house. Wondered what might happen. She has such a pleasant voice when she calls me; she seems to like me, to want to talk to me.
Stupid me. Just before I left her house the night after making beer and cookies, I tried to kiss her good-night. She turned away, and my lips brushed her forehead. Didn’t hear anything from her for days. Finally called her, just to see what time we should meet and where on Christmas Eve. She didn’t answer, so I left a message. She returned my call next day; said she wasn’t going to her friend Kathy’s after all. She said her mom wanted her to come by and help her cook a Christmas turkey and help her with other things. I asked if she wanted to come by after that. Interestingly, her mother lives just down the street from me. This is the neighborhood she grew up in. She said she didn’t think so, since she would have to go back to her mother’s house early in the morning to help her out some more. She said she’d call me, let me know about getting together.
She never called. I left her another message on Christmas day. Wished her a Merry Christmas. Asked about getting together to open presents. No response. Next day I left another phone message. I invited her to come by for her present; told her I didn’t want to open mine until she came by. No response. The weekend ended. Today I sent her an email, asking her what’s up. Told her I was still waiting for her to get her present before I opened mine. Apologized if my attempted kiss had offended her. If she hadn’t taken offense, then I asked if she’d like to go dancing on New Year’s Eve. We had previously talked about going Salsa dancing but haven’t done so yet. No response. Perhaps the 14-year difference is still too big of a gap for a relationship?
It’s not a tragedy, unlike Karen’s total disaffection for me – that hurt a lot, even more than my divorce. I’m saddened, but not that much. I do wish women could say what’s really on their minds. I wish I knew what it was about me that made women want to break away clean, without even giving me a reason or ever wanting any further contact. Ha! Women, it seems, are like life itself. Things in life often happen for no reason at all. Why should women be any different?
Well, I heard something after all:
Sorry I have not been in touch (i.e. returning your phone calls). Christmas was very hectic, trying to help my mom, etc. In fact, I was so exhausted on xmas day that I didn’t stay out too late, I just went home. I have just been laying low; I still feel exhausted and I have a sore throat – I feel like I’m coming down with something. I might take a day off this week before New Year’s to rest. I normally don’t do much for New Year’s Eve. I just stay out of drunk drivers way. My friend Gaby is coming out for the weekend from CO and I think we are just going to hang out at my place. We will get together as soon as I feel better.
So, I opened the present she’d given me: 64 small chocolate bottles with various liquors, like Jack Daniels Old No. 7, Cutty Sark, Grand Marnier, Cointreau, etc. The best looking thing is probably the Borghetti Caffe Espresso (31% alcohol). What is so very odd, is that my old girlfriend, who introduced me to her, also gave me a Xmas present of 48 chocolate bottles in a little wooden crate: Jim Beam, Stoli’s, Remy Martin, and Grand Marnier. Very cool stuff, but now I have 112 of these things, and I don’t drink much anymore. Perhaps my step-daughter can help me with these things.