Looks like either way I look at it, I won’t be having lunch with Karen again. She IS avoiding me, not that I blame her. I think she did get that email I sent her, my confession of my obsessive infatuation/ unrequited love for her these last few years. I went for coffee just now, at an unusual time when there was no one else there. As it was espressing, I walked over to get some raw sugar to put in it, in and in the corner of my eye, I see Karen walking towards the door of the Cafe. I think, “Well, I can say hello, see if she’s still friendly,” and waited for her to open the door. She never came in. There was no other direction she could have heading, there is only the door to the Cafe she could have been heading to, and straight on. She saw me. I noticed that she did, and her head went down. She must have decided she can’t stand the idea of running into me anymore. Either she is just trying to avoid my asking her about lunch, or she got the email I sent. At least I know for sure now. You’d think she’d have the honesty and consideration to tell me so, rather than avoid me, but after all, she is at least as immature as I still am. I have the luxury of a bit more experience, and tried to get a response from her directly, but she wasn’t having any of it. It’s one thing to lose a relationship; it’s another to lose a friend too. I suppose I’ll have to pretend I never knew her now, never had lunch with her every Friday for four years or so, never had anything in common, never traded movies and books, never discussed politics, Sci Fi, or manga or anime. I blew a fine friendship with my “inappropriate” interest in her. I guess I’ll never learn.
(but I cannot really ever say good-bye)