Crazy Karen Dream

Ah, there it is: proof positive that I’m certifiably loopy – another dream about Karen!   Even though I’ve accepted any relationship with her as impossible, and she has already pulled away – in fact, I may not see her anymore – my brain still invents fantasies?

I wake up and I am in bed with Karen; we are nude.  We are at her house, and all of her relatives, brothers, sisters-in-law, parents, etc. are there. Karen and I are in a large room.   Karen is snuggled up with me, and I am telling her how long I have been in love with her.  She seems a little shocked, but as I tell her of my fantasies, I am giving her little kisses on her face.  She doesn’t stop me or pull away.  The dream is very vivid. I can see her face clearly, and it is Karen.  She smiles at me a lot.  There is a lot of activity in the house, as it is late morning.  We get up and I pull on some pants to look for a bathroom.  I don’t see where Karen goes.  There are two guys standing near the bathroom door, but I go in.  I pull the door shut behind me, but it bounces open and I ignore it, as this is a large multi-use public-style bathroom.  As I walk to the urinal the two guys come in and go somewhere else in there, but I am aware of them the whole time.  I pee into a large round urinal, such as I have seen in public bathrooms, but this one is full of water and there are multiple objects floating around.  Two of them look like miniature urinals, and I proceed to sink them with a long steady stream of piss, and then sink the other objects which are toy-like in appearance, like bathtub toys.  The dream ends.  (When I analyze the second part of the dream later, I think it was like a pissing contest, and I am trying to impress Karen’s relatives that I am still virile.)

happy_and_naked_by_beloved_creature Happy and Naked, art by: Zeeksie.

I awake fully aware of the details of the dream, and how happy I still feel. I am also very aware of reality, but the dream has pleased me no end.  I am smiling, happy, content.  I care about nothing else, and stay in bed late, until, 9:11 am.  I had hiked ten miles over hilly, rocky and loose terrain yesterday, just like a week ago, and I needed a good rest.

To' Hajiilee

On BLM land near To’ Hajiilee in New Mexico, 12/21/08


Near Socorro, NM 12/28/08

No work today.  I get up because there are things to do, especially pulling the rear wheel off the motorcycle so I can get a new tire.  The bald tire has got to go.  I might not survive the next fall on an icy or wet street.  I am surprised that I care.  I think that I have accepted my fantasy life as real, and it gives me peace.

How many of us live in fantasy worlds, and no one ever knows?


2 Responses to “Crazy Karen Dream”

  1. sudafeduberalles Says:

    I’m not good at dream analysis, but it sounds chock full of symbolism. Wish fulfillment is huge in dreams. I think the wish here is not only to be open and free to be with Karen, but also to have a large extended family, a public acknowledgement of your feeling (hence the restroom). The wide open urinal is interesting–sounds almost like a river–the flow of feelings–your peeing….very emotional dream. I’m only guessing here, but water is often associated with feelings. The little urinals might suggest a primal wish to procreate. Maybe you feel bad that you never had a family like the one you grew up with–which is to say a large brood of Irish Catholics?? You want to be a father perhaps? You probably woke up feeling good because the dream was cathartic. I think it’s a good sign–you’re working things out in your mind. God, I know how pseudo-intellectual I sound. Anyway, just my 2 cents. By the way, have you thought about Prozac? I hear it can make you fall out of love–though it makes you pretty asexual too.

  2. O'Maolchathaigh Says:

    Well, that’s the odd thing: I didn’t think I was in love anymore. I certainly don’t obsess about Karen as I used to (really), and I don’t get crazy excited about seeing her, or depressed when I can’t see her – that was exhausting.

    Do I still want to be a father in the biological sense? Yeah, I must, as it popped up often in my fantasies about Karen.

    And, that makes a lot of sense: that the dream was cathartic. I was positively in nirvana. Perhaps I simply beat down those feelings I had, but my sub-conscious mind recognized that they were still there.

    Prozac is beginning to seem like a good idea.

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