Saw Karen today

karen2008 She was in a very bright happy mood.  Of course, it’s almost Halloween, but last time I’d seen her, she was anything but chipper.  She says things have been pretty hectic at work, with grants and people out sick and such.  She said she hasn’t had much time for lunch lately.  And, she also had four wisdom teeth removed.

I saw her at the coffee cart, in one of those serendipitous moments when our paths crossed.  I said, “Hi Karen,” and got behind her, in a two person line.  We were oddly the only two people getting coffee at the time.   I never know exactly what to expect, so I didn’t say anything else, just waited my turn.  She was in a very good mood, from the tone of her voice ordering her coffee, and she turned slightly towards me, still smiling, as though expecting me to say something more.  That was more than I expected, but as she got her iced mocha I stepped up and asked her about her aunt.  She told me, and went over to dress up her coffee and put a lid on it.  Instead of turning and dashing off, however, she waited, and she was waiting for me.  I was very pleasantly surprised, and did my best to get my coffee quickly and step over there for sugar and cream.  We talked some more briefly, and she remained smiling and seemed happy to talk to me.  She did start to turn away, so I asked her about lunch.  She said she’d like that, but wasn’t sure, things were still hectic.  She was still smiling happily when she said she’d let me know, for sure, gave me a bigger smile and headed off.  Sure  enough, at 11:01 am, pretty early, and not long after I’d seen her, she emailed me, “It looks like I can make it to lunch today.” Cool.

It certainly was nice to see her.  She was all smiles, and that really makes me feel good.  It’s nice to be over the obsessive infatuation. Any other time in the last few years I’d have been on cloud nine just to see her, and reading all kinds of make-believe things into her friendliness.  This is better.  I’m reminded of the 2006 movie, Venus. In that, a very young woman, younger than Karen, and a very old man, waaay older than me, become friends.  Oddly, he never hides his infatuation with her, including his desire to touch her, kiss her, and see her naked.  She never hides her disgust with the idea of him touching her, kissing her or seeing her naked.  They drink together, talk, see a play, and hang out, becoming odd friends, while his same-age male friends disown him for this behavior.  I know, I know; at this point in my little narratives I try to apply what I’ve read or watched to me and Karen.  It’s not all that important, but there was that idea that, despite the difference in age, and despite totally opposite expectations of each other, a friendship could still survive.  I’ve always had trouble understanding what this relationship between me and Karen is.  I certainly desire her, even though that is not likely to come to fruition anytime in this universe.   I do enjoy her company, and she seems to enjoy seeing me.  That gives me an odd sense of peace.

I shouldn’t have ever expected anything more, and I shouldn’t worry about anything less.  It certainly takes me a long time to understand things sometime.


One Response to “Saw Karen today”

  1. mysafeemail Says:

    I just read through your entire journal.

    I’ve been chasing after my adored for ten years.

    Whats the furthest place from here?
    It hasn’t been my day for a couple years,
    whats a couple more?

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