Finis to Karen


No email from Karen about lunch today; I waited until 1:15 and then headed to the cafeteria before they closed. Saw Karen outside, which was odd as she usually won’t sit outside. I said hello, and remarked on her being outside; she said it was too cold to sit inside. She was dressed in light summer clothes, showing a lot of skin. I gawked a little at first, and looked away. I ran inside to get lunch, assuming I’d sit with her, but when I came out, she was long gone, not even walking away. Probably ran as fast as she could. She was the reason I got my new “Sad” tattoo, and I didn’t even get to show it her.

C’est la vie.

But, actually, it still matters. To me. Hurts. I keep wondering why she said what she did a couple weeks ago about friends taking her out to do things. So, I’m not a friend? Everything I’ve ever suggested is inappropriate to her, or like a date. Friends make dates, but I guess that’s an old, outdated meaning of the word. I have no idea if she meant it would be OK to do something together, or she was just saying that she has fun. It’s so odd to me that she has friends she’ll hang out with, but for all the things we used to have in common or talk about, she doesn’t consider me a friend after knowing each other over four years. I just have a hard time understanding this, and why it is so important to me.

– (More graffiti art. Photo by Paul Armstrong, who took the photo in Minneapolis, Minnesota at an abandoned wheat grain elevator near the University of Minnesota)

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4 Responses to “Finis to Karen”

  1. hope505 Says:

    “…she has friends she’ll hang out with, but for all the things we used to have in common or talk about, she doesn’t consider me a friend after knowing each other over four years…”

    I can’t believe you sustained this alternate reality as long as you did…the alternate reality in which Karen was actually attracted to you. ~ whoa. ~

    Yeah, we do flip out sometimes….we want to be sweet to the seniors who give us attention – they are interesting people and perhaps we have common interests or belong to this group or that club, the both of us, but believe me: when grandpa makes a move, even if it’s just flowers, we find it repulsive and then we don’t know how to act towards him after that. Any friendliness from us can be construed as prolonging the pain and we definitely don’t want to encourage those men.
    Those old men.
    Once we know you’ve been thinking those things and having those feelings for us….we want to avoid you at any cost, generally.
    I hope you can be more realistic with yourself in the future. It would definitely behoove you to try dating someone in your own age group!
    A 27-y/o woman with a 57-y/o man…?
    Gross.
    It’s not happening.
    I take that back: Unless you show her the money, it’s not happening. You are lucky that you’re comfortable on your own…that is probably better for you than endlessly fantasizing about young girls, wasting time and energy wanting them to want you.
    You’ll do fine on your own.

  2. O'Maolchathaigh Says:

    Hey, not so senior yet, and I’m not even a grandpa either. I do date people in my own age group; always have, and actually women older than me for the most part. However, Karen was the only woman that much younger than me that I’d ever given any thought to. I t was odd and hard to understand. I think women that young are far too young and immature for the most part. With Karen, it didn’t matter all of a sudden. I didn’t care what her age was; I was attracted, I was happy, I entertained a fantasy for some time that it was possible, but I always knew it wasn’t. It seemed to be out of my control, but I have grip on it now. – T

  3. O'Maolchathaigh Says:

    Actually, it’s out of my hands now anyway. Karen has decided to avoid me, and since we didn’t have a relationship, there was nothing she had to say or do. I sure miss her though.

  4. O'Maolchaithaigh Says:

    Actually, not finis. Still in love with her.


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