No email from Karen about lunch today; I waited until 1:15 and then headed to the cafeteria before they closed. Saw Karen outside, which was odd as she usually won’t sit outside. I said hello, and remarked on her being outside; she said it was too cold to sit inside. She was dressed in light summer clothes, showing a lot of skin. I gawked a little at first, and looked away. I ran inside to get lunch, assuming I’d sit with her, but when I came out, she was long gone, not even walking away. Probably ran as fast as she could. She was the reason I got my new “Sad” tattoo, and I didn’t even get to show it her.
C’est la vie.
But, actually, it still matters. To me. Hurts. I keep wondering why she said what she did a couple weeks ago about friends taking her out to do things. So, I’m not a friend? Everything I’ve ever suggested is inappropriate to her, or like a date. Friends make dates, but I guess that’s an old, outdated meaning of the word. I have no idea if she meant it would be OK to do something together, or she was just saying that she has fun. It’s so odd to me that she has friends she’ll hang out with, but for all the things we used to have in common or talk about, she doesn’t consider me a friend after knowing each other over four years. I just have a hard time understanding this, and why it is so important to me.