Lust, insanity, and, help me!


05/04/08

Just when I thought my life had settled down into a nice calm routine I could live with, things could get crazy again! I had lunch with my ex-limerent-object-of desire, and it is different without my interest in her making me happy with her every smile and gesture and rapid-fire speech and obsessive hand movements. She seems so subdued now, and we had little to talk about. She is still into Inuyasha, but since the most recent stuff from Japan hasn’t been released in the US yet, she reads and watches episodes of the hot new show Bleach. Seems to fascinate her as much as Inuyasha or other animes or mangas. But, that’s not what got me writing tonight.

I met an old girlfriend Elaine, recently, and we’ve hung around a bit. She’s nice, and not bad looking, but crazy.   She’s become a cat lady, for one thing, with somewhere around 8 or 9 cats and two dogs. The odor once I go into her house is intense! She says she is going to replace the carpeting, and it needs it really bad! The smell is horrific. I’ve been there twice so far; helped her move an old desk from her sister’s house to her house yesterday. I thought it was bad the first time she took me there. This time I was glad I wouldn’t be there long. Last time she insisted I watch this cult-like video about The Secret (of getting wealth and love), and I don’t even want to talk about that. She still thinks the invasion of Iraq was justified because al-Qa’ida was training terrorists in Iraq, something few sane people would believe in the face of all evidence to the contrary. The difference between Sunnis and Shiites is not even a matter for discussion. She also believes that Bill and Hillary Clinton are murderers, powerful enough to have covered up their actions with more murders and other cover ups. We’ve talked a bit, while shopping and browsing junk stores. I told her about my ex, and about how bad I felt when I realized I wouldn’t be able to attend my step-daughter Maya’s graduation party. It was depressing at first, and I was angry with the old dragon for making her daughter think she would be too “uncomfortable” having me there. Since then I’ve come to accept it. However, when I mentioned it to Elaine, she gave me sympathy, and exuded empathy, getting mad herself that someone would do this to me.

I told her about all the work I did on the house the dragon has now. Told her how the dragon manipulated things so she’d get the house, and reneged on her written promise to give me even a token compensation for all the work and money I put into it. She asked me if I’d like to see the house burn down! That was odd, but I had to admit the scenario had crossed my mind. There are times when I do see red. I would, however, never do such a thing. 1.) Pointless: the dragon would get insurance, much more than she could ever get selling the house 2.) I couldn’t do that to anyone 3.) It’s dangerous to many other people, including the firefighters 4.) It’s a terrible thing to do anyway 5.) I love my step-kids and that would make them sad too 6.) As much as I feel I hate the dragon now, I couldn’t do that even to her 7.) It’s insane, beyond insane, and absurd.

I had forgotten Elaine had even asked me that, later, as we were driving away from her house. She said she wanted to see the house where I’d lived. She was a little evasive about why, although at the time, I didn’t notice. She said she wanted to see the house, and it’s very near where she lives, so I showed it to her.

It was so odd. I didn’t really want to go there. As we turned onto the block, I saw my old young friends outside playing, and a neighbor too. I tried to talk Elaine out of going up the street, but she couldn’t see the house from that angle. If she had to see it, I wanted her to drop me off away from there, but she had me put the seat back all the way, so I couldn’t be seen. I thought it would be too odd for me to be there, and showing up with another woman would be stupid. I’m not like that. Anyway, I put the seat back and she drove by the old place.

Later on, I wondered just how crazy Elaine is. If she has lost touch with reality enough, could she be planning something against the dragon to give me some sort of crazy revenge? This now is insanity. I haven’t seen her in many years, and her reclusiveness, and the way she condemns the dragon, makes me really worrried. This woman could be stark-raving mad, for all I know. I don’t know what to do at this point. What if she tries to burn the house down or something like that? It’s horrible enough to think she’d do that, but she won’t get away with it, unless she is suicidal or something. I would, nevertheless, be blamed anyway, and end up in jail, or even worse if someone gets hurt. This is suddenly like a nightmare come to life. I have nothing but my paranoid suspicion to go on. I often overreact in my head and writings. What have I done by hooking up with this woman again? I’m still keeping my distance, but she keeps wanting to kiss me, and I don’t know what she expects is going to happen. I’m afraid to mention my fears to her. What if I end up giving her ideas? What if she is totally insane? I thought I was a bit mad, but who have I hooked up with now?

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One Response to “Lust, insanity, and, help me!”

  1. LuLi Says:

    How scary! Its always playin with fire when it comes to getting involved with the unstable..


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