February 08, 2008
Had lunch with “her” today. She was in an exceptionally good mood, kind of giddy, really. She didn’t know why. She’s still working on her Halloween projects. She picked up an LED candlestick at an after-Xmas sale and painted it a pewter color. She is working on a skeleton that will hang from a noose, a scarecrow that will appear to burn at the stake, and a Halloween wreath with skulls, that the skeleton will hang from. She has a new artificial pumpkin that can be carved, and looks exactly like a real one. Lots of ideas running through her head. She is still re-reading the Pern books too – Sci Fi, dragons, music and human politics – and excited that the final book is being written for publication soon. We talked about Anne McCaffery’s books. “she” had read a book of McCaffery’s short stories that adds to the general world of Pern literature and other worlds that McCaffrey created. “She” asked me about the Silver Surfer books, and I told her how much I enjoyed them. She talked about Marvel bringing back some of the old characters from the 30s and 40s who mysteriously reappear in our time, like the original Human Torch, Captain America and the Sub-Mariner. There are others too, that few people remember or know about: Whizzer, Miss America, the Destroyer, the original Vision, and the Angel. She is such a joy to listen to and be with. She has so much life. Damn good-looking too; I still lust for her bod.
“She” is the one. “She” is the one woman I want, if I could have any woman at all. I guess I’m still in love with her. It feels different. I still get excited when I see her, or listen to her. I still daydream and fantasize about the possibilities. The pain is gone; the intense longing, the regrets, the loneliness without her. She’s just here, a part of me. I still want her. I still wish for what I can’t have. I like seeing her happy. I am happy when she’s happy. She’s the one. Who do I see about selling my soul?