Saw Karen this morning. It’s a cold morning for New Mexico, 23 F, with the wind chilling us to 14 F. Nowhere near as cold as Iowa, but it still feels cold. Saw Karen walking through the parking lot. Said she didn’t do much over the weekend. Only crossed paths shortly, but she told me just as we diverged paths that she won’t be in Friday. But, she said she would see me next Friday. Alright! We’re back on track. I sure wish the relationship could go further, but there is nothing like having a friend to spend even a little time with.
Had some strange thoughts over the weekend. I think Karen and I started having lunch right about the time my step daughter found out she had a brain tumor. I wonder if my fear of losing her prompted me to fall in love with Karen? Sometimes I wonder about that. Could I have transferred some feelings over to Karen, out of fear of losing my step daughter? On top of that, it seems I probably transferred some feelings for my ex to Karen as well. Does it work that way? I don’t know. I still can’t figure out why Karen matters to me so much? Why, despite all my rational thoughts to the contrary, do I still think I’m in love with Karen? that I would gladly do anything for her? marry her? have a child with her? and these thoughts give me a sense of peace and happiness unlike anything I’ve ever known?
Even with my overwhelming state of limerence in abatement, I still like Karen, still enjoy seeing her and talking with her.