Happy Samhain, the Gaelic New Year!


October 31, 2007

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Dyed my hair green for Hallowe’en.

I like carving pumpkins and giving out candy on Hallowe’en. The jack ‘o lanterns came out looking good: pumpkins-5.jpg pumpkins-10.jpg

The first represents my silly, happy eagerness for Hallowe’en – my joy at handing out candy, and, oh, yes, I was going to see Karen. Well, no date, of course, but she always puts on a huge Hallowe’en display in her yard and everyone is welcome to come see it. That’s the real reason I dyed my hair. I knew I’d see Karen. I was hoping she’d be outside, because I wasn’t sure if she’d want me to come to the door. Well, I did run into her; she was already taking a few things in. The fog machines were already off, and some of the lights on the tombstones and such were off. I shouldn’t have waited so long to go over there. Karen was pleasant to me, but didn’t even notice my green hair – it was pretty dark, so I pointed it out to her. I don’t think she got a good look at it. She was eager to go back inside, it appeared. I asked her how it went, and she said she had a lot of kids come by. I told her I didn’t get even one kid all night. I guess they don’t trick or treat in this condominium complex. Anyway, Karen dismissed me right away, said she’d see me next week, and goodnight. That’s pretty much what I expected, but I was of course hopeful to get invited in just for a few minutes at least to talk and maybe have a drink. The second pumpkin represents my hopes dashed. Such fantastic wishful thinking on my part. Karen was smiling so nicely when I ran into her at work the other day. It must have just been her happiness at the approach of Hallowe’en, not for having seen me. I get so much pleasure out of seeing her. Well, I took some pictures of the hair – might as well get some use out of the experience. Hope you enjoy them.

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4 Responses to “Happy Samhain, the Gaelic New Year!”

  1. somebodyyoudontknow Says:

    Dude, After reading your posts it is ABUNDANTLY clear that Miss K does not like you. In fact, I think she wants you to leave her alone. If you truly loved her you would do just that. Listen to the song “If You Love Somebody (Set them Free)” by Sting. Who knows, maybe if you leave her alone she’ll wonder what happened to you and actually call or act interested. Look, I know that you’re infatuated/obsessed and going through a lot emotionally with your divorce. Stop acting out and making K the object of your selfish desire. Yes, you are being selfish. Back off already!!! Oh and please work through your feelings with a therapist. I think perhaps you’ve had a nervous breakdown and haven’t realized it yet.

  2. somebodyyoudontknow Says:

    you know, after reading your blog more in depth I am inclined to think maybe there’s something going on with K too. Also, I think my other comment may have been too unsympathetic. K probably is a very selfish woman and you are attracted to women that can’t give you what you need emotionally. I mean this whole thing just screams Oedipidal/electra complex. The age difference is interesting, for starters. I think K sounds very immature and superficial. I think on some subconscious level she is flattered by all your attention, perhaps it gives her the validation she needs. But she really needs to stop having coffee or lunch with you. She is giving you too much false hope and it borders on emotional abuse. The dance between the two of you is like some sort of emotional S&M. On a positive note, I think you’re a very sensative person. Your marriage sounded lonely and you may have been starved for attention for years and then this K has triggered something that had been dormant for a long time. Anyway, I think your experiences with this infatuation would make a good novel. I really hope you will discuss your feelings wiht a psychologist. Don’t let this thing be in vain. Write a story. Bibliotherapy is helpful too. Get away from the anime!! I mean really, that crap is so immature and stupid. There are many good group therapies you could look into too. You know, 12-step programs for relationship addicts. I want you to know that with time you can heal and move on with your life. You don’t have to do this to yourself. OK?

  3. O'Maolchathaigh Says:

    Hey somebody, regarding your first comment: thanks. I think you’re right. I appreciate the feedback a lot. I don’t think therapy would help right now, because I’d have to want to change, and I don’t. I know I express a bit of depair now and then, but it’s not like I feel that way 24/7. A therapist would want to know what it is I want, or where I want to go, and I don’t know. I really did need some feedback on this whole thing, so hearing your thoughts on it helps a lot. I will mull over what you’ve said. tm

  4. O'Maolchathaigh Says:

    I can’t thank you enough for reading a bit more of the story. You did catch that there is something going on with K. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I know it’s not about me. She is immature, but there is more. I see in her a kindred soul, someone lonely and as introspective as I have been during my life. In truth, she reminds of myself at a younger age, and I want to reach out to her as if I was reaching out to myself. Be that as it may be, I still have lust for her, and a need to hold someone. It ain’t gonna happen, but the fantasy is almost as good! 🙂 I had to write in this blog – something that has the potential to connect with other people. A diary just wouldn’t have cut it. That’s all writers used to have, and then they had to publish in order to get those thoughts out there for other people to see. I like the idea of publishing this in print too at some point. I would have to invent a lot to make it a novel, as good writers do. Maybe. I feel much better most of the time these days than would be indicated by some of my posts, but I still have lows. So far, the comments I’ve gotten haven’t been very insightful or sympathetic, and have sometimes been bizarre, like: “Cry me a river you fucking emo-bitch!” That was not what I expected, particularly on my birthday, but hey, I put this stuff out there. I suspect this whole thing with K will not continue much longer, as I haven’t given up on going out with her and continue to bring it up. It’s odd, if I send anything to her email, she ignores it totally as if I hadn’t said anything, but I know she gets the emails. So maybe we’re both a little wacked out. Again, I really appreciate that you took the time to read some of this and to give me thoughtful comments. That is more useful than you know. tm


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