Oct. 19, 2007
As anyone who has followed this little drama knows, I didn’t end this blog when I found out that a closer relationship with “her” was impossible. I have continued on. Perhaps my obsession is not as intense anymore, but she is here. We still have lunch together. I still enjoy her company. Her emails are certainly short and simple; today’s email subject, as always, was, “Lunch,” and as usual lately, the message was simply, “I am leaving now.” Did I go? You bet. Was she expecting me? Yes. She brought back a book I lent her. Hell, I bought the book for her, thinking she would like it. I read it when I flew to San Francisco a month ago; saw it on an airport newsstand shelf. The manga-like cover drew me in. Not a bad story, and she thought so too.
She talked about her niece today and Halloween, of course. Her niece enjoyed scaring people with one of “her” skeleton decorations. She will be putting up more stuff this weekend. The weather is warm here, with the occasional fall breezes. It gives “her” a chance to get a lot done this weekend. Her Halloween yard display is quite a project. I offered to help before, but she said it only takes one person, and it’s really something she enjoys doing.
Wonder of wonders! “She” said she wants to order a large Bento box (a Japanese creation – Bento actually means box, and it usually consists of a variety of small tasty food items), but at $20, it’s more than she wants to pay for herself alone. She even said she needed to share with someone, and she even glanced at me. With anyone else, it would have been a strong hint. I spoke right up, offering to share. She was quiet at first, so I repeated my offer. She said she would probably go with her sister-in-law. We were in line getting our after-lunch coffee at the time, so once that was out of the way, I offered once again, said I could meet her there, but she said, no, she’ll go with her sister-in-law and niece. “She” helps keep her niece quiet, so it’s a good deal for her sister-in-law. Afterwards they’ll go shopping a bit. Well, I tried. I’d have asked her out, but she already said that even going to a movie is too much like a date, so I was hoping perhaps casually meeting her, and sharing, like a friend might, would be acceptable, but not so. Ah, well. Got my hopes up for brief moment in time. Given my sad social life currently, even a casual meal like that would have been an exceptional event for me. What do I talk about? you may well be wondering. I often talk about what I’ve read lately – that’s about the only thing I can interest “her” in. Since I like to read, and she reads a lot, we always have something to share. I have read a lot of manga lately, but it’s of a type that we’ve discussed before, written mostly for adolescents Japanese boys with extremely poor social skills. The graphics are good though, and there were many titles I’d heard about but had never read. However, I did read the final Harry Potter recently, speaking of adolescent boys with poor social skills. I enjoyed the whole series. It is a good story. She said she stopped after the 4th book. She’ll wait until the books are easily available in the library. I sold mine off already, except for the last.
Today, I did talk about something more. I told “her” that it is strange being alone. That’s not unusual of course. As I said, many of us, including myself, have lived alone before, and gotten used to it, made a comfortable life for ourselves. It’s different however, when you’ve been with someone for a long time. The loneliness is more acute, and it’s difficult to get back into a regular sort of life. I mentioned perhaps going to the flea market this weekend, and she said she hasn’t done that in a year. Didn’t seem to be any interest there in going together, although she said it’s better to go with someone. I agreed, but there was no sense offering to pick her up or meet her there. One rejection a day is enough.