Oct. 12, 2007
1:15. No email from “her”. My worst fear is that she doesn’t want to see me. I went anyway; got some lunch. Just as I was picking up some ketchup and napkins, there she was! And smiling. She had been taking notes in a meeting, and couldn’t let me know. So, I was correct that she knows I will be there. And fortunately, my fear was unfounded.
She brought a table-runner with her that she is sewing. It’s for Halloween, one of her passions. It’s quite nice, with a multicolored and textured moon, and bats. She has to sew each bat on individually. It will also have some wooden stars sewn on like buttons. She’s a very creative person. She said she brought it to work on it at lunch. But she took it out just to show me, which made me very happy. She enjoyed talking about it, and I enjoyed seeing it and hearing about it.
I wish I knew why I couldn’t just accept this relationship as it is. Why do I want more? Because I’m male? or just human? I don’t know. I do know I wanted to brush my fingers along the bare strip of her stomach that showed. I’d love to have her in my arms, or kiss her, or hold hands, or strip every last piece of clothing off her to see and feel all of her. Sigh.
She says she will be her niece’s godmother, just to make her family happy. Her brother had to have clergy perform his marriage, even though he only wanted a judge. So I asked her if she will also go along with family pressure for herself. “Oh, no!” she was quick to reply. She’d go to Vegas. Have a nice wedding there, maybe with an Elvis impersonator. I love it!