August 31, 2007
And, oh yeah! did she ever look good! Saw that purple bra peeking out from her cleavage. I know that seems crass, but that bra seems to be one of those lift-n-separate ones, because boy, were they ever pointy! Hard not to notice that. Of course, I notice everything, like her acne breakout too. That’s one reason I know I’m in love with her – I want to kiss her face all over, reassure her that such things are trivial and don’t matter. She’s such a vibrant, pretty and sexy woman. Lunch was great. Without Karen, I don’t ever enjoy it. Sometimes she talks about her niece; she seems to enjoy that little girl as much as if she were her own child. Karen delights in the things that very precocious 3-year old does and says. Karen spoke of not doing much over this Labor Day weekend; cleaning, and hanging around the house. I still just can’t understand that. I’d take her places. There are plenty of things to do. She mentioned the music fest Fall Crawl that we have around here, and talked about nightclubs having entrance fees that never used to, but with Fall Crawl, there is only one fee to get into all the clubs for free, so I don’t know exactly what she meant. I so enjoy being with her, looking at her, listening to her, that I didn’t think of anything to say about that ’till later. Does she mean that if one goes to a club without a Fall Crawl pass, there is an entrance fee where there usually isn’t one? Of course, more importantly, why can’t I take her? I’d go with her.
She just had to buy another car, and has some credit card debt to pay off, so she’s reluctant to spend money. I have time and money; why not let me take her? Sigh. No dating she has said. Boundaries. I don’t get it. Regardless of what these boundaries are she speaks of, or why they are there, why not enjoy a few things together? Has anything changed since she said that? If anyone else said such things I’d have thought they were hinting about being asked. Of course, she’s old and intelligent enough to say so right out, I would think.
I just don’t get it. Why would she prefer staying home to spending a little time with me? Very selfish and egotistic of me to imagine I’d be such good companionship for her, but I’d sure enjoy her company. I’d call her, but she seemed upset that I’d used her resume to get her cell phone number. She’d left the resume with me to fax for her, back before she got this job. She said it was OK, but there was a note of surprise and apprehension about her reaction. She came by shortly after and asked for the resume back. I never did that again. Those boundaries again. And it never matters what I email to her, unless it’s about lunch on Friday, she never responds, even to questions, much less invitations to join me for a movie or just talk to me a bit by email. Nothing. I guess that’s why I get so excited when the one word question shows up in my email: “Lunch?” or the wordy “I can’t go until 1:15.” or extreme wordiness “I need to go early today, around 12?” I enjoy the lunches, as I’ve said, I enjoy them a lot. Can’t complain about that! But to limit our relationship so, why is that necessary? What am I missing? What else could I do or say?