Anticipation


August 17, 2007

 As much as I look forward to Fridays, the anticipation can be nerve wracking! Karen is not sure when she can go to lunch. That leaves the possibility open she won’t be able to make it. There is nothing quite like anticipating seeing her, and then not. Her smile when she asked, “See you next week?” is still vividly in my head. I see her face, the slight turn of her head as she prepared to leave, and her genuine, happy smile. Love that smile. I can hardly wait to see it again. anticipation.jpg

And there she was. We met a little earlier than usual. Instead of the burrito or Frito pie or such that Karen usually eats, she stopped and picked up a prepackaged salad. Perhaps she is worried about her weight? She usually eats more than me at a sitting without even slowing down, and it just doesn’t seem to affect her. She is a little more hyper than I am, so she burns calories better. Sometimes she talks so fast it’s hard for me to pick out all the words, or sometimes she’ll rush a long word out and I miss the syllabication. I wonder if it irritates her to have to repeat words to me? I recall feeling that, when I have to repeat something, but that’s mostly, I think, because I feel the other person wasn’t paying attention. Oh, I pay attention to Karen! I hate to miss anything. She’s acknowledged having the problem of talking too fast. When I first met her she seemed to rush everything out all at once. I didn’t know if she had been saving up things to say, or just talked that way, but over time, she seemed more relaxed. I thought perhaps she was nervous talking to me; thought that maybe that indicated an interest in me. I guess not, or we’d be dating by now. I still wonder why I can’t just accept the relationship as it is, why I want her? She’s the one person in my whole life I’ve ever met that I feel closest to in temperament, thought, and philosophy, but we can’t be more than casual friends? Sigh. It wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t so attracted to her. I find her beautiful. She has a sexy body. Her eyes fascinate me. Her lips are thin, but I sure would like to kiss them. She is neither skinny nor overweight. She seems perfect. Women seem to find all sorts of faults with themselves, so I’m not sure what she thinks of her own beauty and sexuality. She certainly excites me!

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