July 09, 2007
Well, now I have my wish. Don’t you just hate it when you get what you wish for? I’m living alone. Got my own place, but it’s a rental. Signed a one-year lease. Don’t know what the future will bring, but at this point, I’m not planning anything. The dragon wants the keys back, but I told her I’m still paying the mortgage there so I couldn’t see why I’d want to give my keys up. I’m dangerously in the hole now; I’ve seriously overdrawn my checking account. All three things hit on the same days: deposit on rental unit, rent, and mortgage on the old house. Three weeks to go without real money. Sigh. I hate buying food on credit.
Of course, my fantasy has always been that my “obsession” (remember her? – she was the reason for this blog) would be able to date me now. Insurmountable obstacles and boundaries. The other day her brother said he’d like to set her up with a friend who is into all the same things as she is: anime, manga, sci fi, etc. The only problem is, that he’s much older! Like ten years older! Really, really old. ha ha ha. But she says she prefers guys a bit older; that guys her age are too weird. Immature, I think. So, now I have the full story: when she told me she had dated older guys, she meant slightly older, not my age! This entire fantasy developed from that conversation (and the lunches we share). She says that she doesn’t think 10 years is TOO much older. So, finally everything is clear. It never was about my being married; it was always my freaking age. I mean, who can blame her? Our age difference is much greater than 10 years. Well, hell.
And the marriage is definitely over too: I now have proof of my suspicions all along: that the dragon only wanted the house, that she always thought of it as HER house, not ours. Hell, she even wants the keys back while I’m still paying the mortgage! No divorce yet, not even a legal separation, no agreement on the house at all, even after I paid the mortgage alone since I moved in, and she wants my keys. All those repairs to appliances, windows and doors; helping lay down new flooring, buying a new refrigerator and stove, installing a new toilet, installing crown molding, building raised garden beds, digging up and moving a railroad-tie fence, tearing off and replacing an entire roof by myself and nearly completing the addition, and it’s not even partly mine? Money down the drain. All that work for nothing. Spending, spending, spending to keep her happy, to buy expensive meals, lots of wine, and travel too. I should have known. And she thinks I’ve been holding out on her, that I have money stashed away, when the reality is that she kept me in constant debt! On top of which she was demanding we save money to travel to India while building the addition! How? She calls me a cheap bastard and a liar, but she is the self-centered, angry, selfish, heartless ass.