Waiting for Tsunami


June 18, 2007

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Waves of sadness wash over me today. Felt pretty good this weekend. Saw the Silver Surfer movie Friday night and enjoyed a complete escape. Home after that to the dragon. Her indifference has thawed and we speak more. Saturday we emptied and cleaned out the pond together. I asked her what would happen if I dumped a bucket of the pond water on her head while she was in there, and she looked at me a moment, then said, “I’d kill you.” We both stayed home, watched a movie: maria-full-of-grace.jpg .  I sent more emails about houses to rent, scheduled a viewing for Sunday.

Sunday morning the dragon left for the flea market with her makeup done and dressed nicely. She looked good. I bought a few things I need to get the outside of the house addition sealed up, and rode all the way across town to look at a house. Got sunburned doing that. The dragon took a message for me about a house. Went to bed early, by myself, as usual.

Monday, today, I felt OK, rode into work, read a couple messages about places to rent. Made an appointment to see one after work. This is a good house in a nice green area, roomy with everything I need and they take pets. Rent is a little high, but most utilities are included in the rent. dsc01081.jpg Should call about seeing another in the same area and kill two with one ride. It’s hot out there. Went to lunch, but could hardly walk. Felt this tsunami of sadness wash over me. Can hardly keep my head up. It takes an effort to make eye contact. Dropped off some books at the PO. Walked out of there into more sadness. Popped into a campus Starbucks for an Americano. Walked back to work drooping. Finding a place that is available, fits all my criteria and is a sort of affordable means this is it – time to go. That makes me happy at times, accompanied by a sense of great relief, of freedom. And then, inexplicably, sad.

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WAITING FOR TSUNAMI

Waves of sadness wash over me

unlike the seashore

these waves are random

better waves than nothing

I could do without this

this oppressive tsunami of sad

no one to rescue me now

no one to turn to

just mechanical living

work, eat, read

rent house, pack

unpack organize

wait for the next tsunami. © 2007, 08, 09 , 10  O’Maolchathaigh

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