Final Post? – The fantasy ends?


May 25, 2007

It’s hopeless. (Mou oshimai da. itshopeless.jpg )

It’s been interesting. I learned a lot about unrequited love and limerence. I learned that I could feel something outside of a quiet desperation. Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them. – Henry David Thoreau

desperation.jpg

I finally accepted that one does not need to continue a relationship that sucks. Divorce in is the works. Those agonizing details may show up in a different blog. This one was about Karen, and how happy it made me to fantasize loving her. That is over. We’ll still have lunch, but I imagine, as her relationships with other men, younger men, grow, she will grow away from me. I’ve already seen it happen. I can no longer buy her a lunch. That’s a minor thing. What is major, however, is that we will never date. Karen knows about the imminent death of my marriage. I asked her what she was doing this weekend. She may go to a Necromantix concert necromantix.jpg or a midnight movie. host.jpg She has someone to go with in either case. I made it clear I’d like to go someplace with her sometime. I told her I was available. She made it clear that going to a movie or concert “…would be too much like a date.”

So, that’s that. No dating. No romance. The fantasy is over. I needed hope, some little bit of uncertainty to maintain this unrequited love. There is none. I like Karen. She gave me some more InuYasha sess027.jpg DVDs to watch, I lent her a Ranma 1/2 book.rumic.jpg It’s good to have friends.

I’m planning on getting a daffs.jpg tattoo: a stylized daffodil as symbol of unrequited love. In the meantime, I need to see what I can do about this sadness that is overwhelming me.

Thank you to those who read this, and especially those who commented, kowshik, and Anna. Thanks you to everyone who read parts or all of this. I’ll leave it up for awhile. Perhaps I’ll print it out and make it into a booklet and give it to Karen one of these days.

aangelssadness.jpg

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2 Responses to “Final Post? – The fantasy ends?”

  1. EM Says:

    Very interesting post.

  2. O'Maolchathaigh Says:

    Ha! Called it a year too early.


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