May 25, 2007
It’s been interesting. I learned a lot about unrequited love and limerence. I learned that I could feel something outside of a quiet desperation. Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them. – Henry David Thoreau
I finally accepted that one does not need to continue a relationship that sucks. Divorce in is the works. Those agonizing details may show up in a different blog. This one was about Karen, and how happy it made me to fantasize loving her. That is over. We’ll still have lunch, but I imagine, as her relationships with other men, younger men, grow, she will grow away from me. I’ve already seen it happen. I can no longer buy her a lunch. That’s a minor thing. What is major, however, is that we will never date. Karen knows about the imminent death of my marriage. I asked her what she was doing this weekend. She may go to a Necromantix concert or a midnight movie. She has someone to go with in either case. I made it clear I’d like to go someplace with her sometime. I told her I was available. She made it clear that going to a movie or concert “…would be too much like a date.”
So, that’s that. No dating. No romance. The fantasy is over. I needed hope, some little bit of uncertainty to maintain this unrequited love. There is none. I like Karen. She gave me some more InuYasha DVDs to watch, I lent her a Ranma 1/2 book. It’s good to have friends.
Thank you to those who read this, and especially those who commented, kowshik, and Anna. Thanks you to everyone who read parts or all of this. I’ll leave it up for awhile. Perhaps I’ll print it out and make it into a booklet and give it to Karen one of these days.