May 24, 2007
This was supposed to be all about my fantasy of love with Karen, but my marriage has fallen apart. At first I thought it wouldn’t be too bad, and we would just have some trouble figuring out the finances, but hoo boy!
I had a gut-wrenching conversation on the phone with The Dragon last night. At fist she was mad because I had only given her half of the State tax refund; in her mind she had asked me for all of it. I tried to tell her that that was what I heard her ask me. We usually split it, but since we started the addition and roof replacement, it all goes to that. I told her I had it, and had already applied it to the addition, but I would give it to her. It was still a $140 check I had to give her, as my debit card was new and I didn’t have a PIN yet. I couldn’t get to the bank before they closed, so I asked her if she would be able to cash a check in California. I hadn’t known she was going, and she only told me that day, and I found out from her daughter she was leaving at 7am next morning! I even offered to drive when I found out she was thinking of going (her niece graduates in a few days). She said, “Why would I want to do that when you don’t like being around me?” I told her I’d drive her. She refused. I hadn’t even found out she was even going until she asked for the money, and she didn’t say when she was going even then. She hadn’t even looked at the check when I handed it to her; if she had asked for the full $280, I’d have given it to her. I tried to tell her that on the phone, but all I got was a lot of screaming, about how cheap I was, and selfish, and a terrible husband, etc. I had to hang up as she was really screaming into my ear! She called back, and it turns out she was also mad because my step-daughter Maya told her I still loved her, and she said I shouldn’t have used her as a messenger, and how could I love her anyway when I was so cheap? I tried to tell her I had told Maya a couple days ago that I still cared for her, but she wasn’t buying it. I had asked Maya only to call me so I’d know they had arrived safe, and that if the dragon wanted to call me that would be OK. I had told Maya that the dragon had a couple phone messages, but that was all. She then told me, “You know that car you have?” “Yeah? “You know that motorcycle you have?” “Yeah? “Well they’re half mine. Don’t you forget that, you cheap bastard!” She hung up this time; she had to, as she had to get me back for hanging up on her. She’s like that. I used to forgive and forget her behavior, but now it just makes me sad. Maya called me back to ask what that was all about, and I tried to tell her. She was listening to me and I wasn’t mad, just trying to figure out what it was all about. Maya told me that the dragon had been drinking after I asked her about that, so I told her that the dragon is like that sometimes when she’s drinking. I was trying to tell Maya that I could send money, but she suddenly had to hang up. I fear I inadvertently put Maya in the middle, and that’s going to be tough. Maya didn’t really want to go, but didn’t want her mom driving by herself any more than I did. The dragon told me how much she hated her ex’s manipulations!
I read a bit, and then closed my eyes and tried relaxing. It helped some. I put an Inuyasha DVD on and watched a few episodes. It really is an engaging story, so it took my mind off of the dragon for a while. Finally turned in around 2am, but woke up at 5:30am still tense and a little mad. I shouldn’t let her get to me, but it hurt anyway, which was her intention. She’s one of the meanest people I’ve ever known in my whole life. What made me think we could work something out? All I did was tell her that I enjoyed some time away from her. It is so peaceful when she’s gone. I feel more relaxed. I don’t think she liked that idea; those phone calls destroyed everything. I wonder if she’ll call again tonight to yell at me some more? This is going to be worse than I ever imagined.