More obsessions

April 01, 2007

forbidden2.jpg As nice as this fantasy is, warped as I am, my mind finds things to wonder about.

Cats. I have two cats. They are outdoors cats, coming and going as they like. I can’t move into an apartment. In my fantasy I live with Karen, but what about the cats? We’d need a house with a yard, and her cats are strictly indoor cats. Couldn’t leave doors open. I think Karen would be pretty upset if her cats got loose and lost.

Parents. Karen already said her parents would freak out to meet me. Understandable, considering the age difference. I could dye my hair and beard, make myself look younger for that meeting? Hah! My age would have to come up at some point if we were dating a lot or more. Kiss of death being this old, compared to her.

Eating lunch with Karen and running into my ex wife from 15 years ago. Now Karen knows I have a track record. One marriage down; one rocky. Now in addition to age, I am a risk. Once, when Karen and I were talking about her moving out, and how she couldn’t afford it, I flippantly said she could move in with a boyfriend, then she’d be out. She laughed. Her parent’s wouldn’t allow that – living with someone outside of marriage. So that was when I first knew she wasn’t into shacking up; she wasn’t about to share a place with a man she wasn’t married to. Of course, I’d marry her. Of course, she doesn’t want to marry someone like me!

I used to wonder about a sexual relationship. I have no idea what her views on sex are. Casual sex OK? but living together is not? Dating sex? But we can’t date unless I’m single, if, hah! if Karen wanted to trust me that much to date. It’s all so crazy. I still don’t know if I misunderstood everything from the beginning, or if something changed along the way.

I must be a classic obsessive type.

From 1st post: “being in unrequited love is a tortuous experience, however, it can simultaneously be a source of great joy, sometimes providing the lover a sense of fulfillment for having somebody to love, even though that love is not returned. The lover may feel this satisfaction is worth the emotional distress they must suffer.”


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